it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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