So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
