He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
