My girlfriend figured out who you are.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
