Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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