So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
