btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
