Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
what is it with giant penises always finding me
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
