u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
