He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
