So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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