Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
