If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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