you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize