that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
