Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
