she was so not down for the gang bang
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
