I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize