i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
