Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
