ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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