just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Screwed.edu
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
