my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
