We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
