The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
