I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
