So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
