just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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