forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
