2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
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