And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I want to be your penis for a week.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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