This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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