Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
