Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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