so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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