I'm eating all of the evidence.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
