i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
