you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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