I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
