I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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