i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
