just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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