Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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