hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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