the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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