she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
