Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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