omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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