i already hear my dad disowning me
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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