It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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