hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Soap is not a condiment
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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