Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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