I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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