nut hugger
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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