I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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