I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
