Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(720): View more from Colorado

the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.

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(315): View more from New York

if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!

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(419): View more from Ohio

I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.

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(620): View more from Kansas

Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?

(484): View more from Pennsylvania

i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed

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(501): View more from Arkansas

I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.

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(209): View more from California

you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet

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(585): View more from New York

If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead

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(218): View more from Minnesota

I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.

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