how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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