...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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