Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
two words: eviction party
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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