put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
