Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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