you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
