Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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