so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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