U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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