I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
