Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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