he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
