Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
