So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
