Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
