hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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