Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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