3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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