It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Sponge bath it is.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
